Self-Compassion and Intimate Relationships 2022

The Self-Compassion

According to Neff (2017), Intimate Relationships  self-compassion can be defined as a process of opening to suffering in relation to oneself, seeing the unpleasantness as a condition of human experience. Therefore, it enables human beings to recognize their imperfections, mistakes and sufferings as merits of having compassion. In this way, it makes it possible to understand that even if things are not going well, that doesn’t mean they went wrong.

Self-compassion is provided by three components, such as:

Self-kindness (openness to be kind to your own faults),

Shared humanity (meaning that experiences are part of the human condition, whether difficult or not, which avoids the feeling of isolation),

Mindfulness ( balanced acceptance of negative feelings, mindfulness, which makes it possible not to exaggerate certain emotions or identify them with them).

With regard to the topic discussed here, talking about romantic relationships is something attractive, as there have never been so many relationship experts, with recipes, endless recommendations on how to relate. It is not difficult to have access to these contents, they are radios, social networks, horoscopes that indicate what we should or should not do. However, at the same time that individuals have this desire to relate, our modern society lives a distressing dilemma between strengthening human ties and, at the same time, keeping them loose, given that they can lead to uncertainty, insecurity, concerns and responsibilities, and with the advent of freedom and individualization it became almost unbearable to live with such frustrations.

However, according to Harris (2011, p. 4) “happiness is not just feeling good. If that were so, drug addicts would be the happiest beings on the planet. In fact, feeling good can become a very unhappy pursuit.”

Being kind to yourself is an important step in bonding with your love partner.

It is believed that self-compassion plays an important role in affective bonds. Research developed by Yarnell and Neff in 2013 revealed that individuals with greater self-compassion are more likely to resolve conflicts in their romantic relationships, to seek out their needs in a balanced way, to be more authentic in conflict resolution, and to have positive effects on both individual and interpersonal spheres.

Also as we recognize that experience is part of shared humanity, self-compassion helps to give access to feelings of connection with individuals in difficult times and thus provide greater emotional support in times of conflict with romantic partners, as well as avoid defensive positions.

In addition, self-compassion has been shown to be an important component of good psychological functioning, people who have higher self-compassion scores tend to have lower levels of anxiety, depression, less reactivity, rumination, anger, better acceptance of receiving personal feedback, DilMil and greater feelings of worthiness. connection with others in difficult times.

Self-Compassion and Intimate Relationships

Is it possible to maintain solid human connections without experiencing frustrations?

Aristotle (1252b, p.15), a philosopher from ancient Greece, emphasized that “man is a social animal”, with this maxim one can perceive the paramount importance of maintaining social relations, which man in his nature lacks and has the instinct to maintain links. Maslow, leader of the 20th century humanist movement, follows this same line, saying that without feelings of affection, love and belonging, man cannot develop his full potential.

With this in mind, it is noted the extreme importance of developing, in a balanced way, the act of relating, however, in the modern world what is observed is a fragility, as well as a difficulty in this scope, especially in what concerns respect to intimate relationships. The individuals of the society called liquid, according to Bauman, who face the anguish between being free from the act of relating and at the same time impelled to strengthen these human bonds, guided by the pleasure principle, faced by the uncertainties, insecurity, tensions that relationships can provide experiencing difficult moments in the love sphere, all this is a reason for the partner to discard, as there is an inability, as beings from the culture of consumerism, to experience relational discomfort.

How to maintain solid ties in a modernity encompassed by constant uncertainties?

Self-compassion can be a bias to develop skills for romantic relationships, as self-compassion promotes self-care, stimulates the release of oxytocin, a hormone of fundamental importance in interpersonal relationships, through the self-kindness component. Intimate Relationships  Such skill can be an excellent resource at times when individuals feel insecure, critical, blaming themselves for some situation, failures and inadequacies experienced in their interpersonal relationships.

In addition, from time to time feelings of isolation are shared, that certain situations, such as fights, jealousy, anger, insecurity in relation to your relationship happen only to you, that moments of imbalance and discomfort belong only to you, triggering the feeling of disconnection from the rest of the world. However, self-compassion triggers in the subjects the feeling of interconnectivity, canceling Intimate Relationships  The illusion that they are separate particles from the rest of the universe, in order to understand that they are part of a whole, that feelings, thoughts and difficult moments are part of shared humanity.

Furthermore, it is known that although there are genetic, social and cultural similarities in human beings. These are unique beings that carry their particular life stories. Which gives rise to the plurality of differences. This condition, in most cases, when relating, gives subjects stressful moments. Especially when they have children, as each one received a different education. Has different opinions and this can be a factor for great and notable disagreements. However, mindfulness, one of the components of self-compassion. Makes people experience situations, circumstances as they present themselves. Without exaggerating and without providing full attention to the present object, to avoid distort thoughts and confused feelings.

How to inspire a positive attitude in the fervor of emotions?

It is known that experiencing love relationships represent challenges. Given that they are two individuals who have different life histories, received different educations and. That at the time of union this can generate conflicts. As mentioned above. It is common when conflicts arise to have an aggressive posture, with cursing. Hostility and an attitude of blaming the other. Entertaining, by having a compassionate, gentle and understanding posture. When a conflict arises, “the other partner can assume a similar compassionate posture” (NEFF; BERETVAS, 2012, p. 15). Thus, self-compassion tends to inspire positive feelings. As well as reassure and assuage the fervor of our feelings.

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In addition, by recognizing the imperfect nature and that we all make many mistakes. This behavior results in making the person more tolerant of the mistakes of the loved one. Favoring greater acceptance and interconnection. Self-compassion triggers good levels of autonomy. Provides less dependence to meet the demands of unconditional love and acceptance, and tends to awaken. More emotional Intimate Relationships  resources to give to the loved one. The study by Neff and Beretvas (2012) showed that self-compassion. Was negatively and significantly correlated with control, detachment. Verbal aggression and that partners had less negative perceptions of their own behaviors and attitudes.

Having revealed this, it is perceived that self-compassion is a component of great relevance in interpersonal relationships. As in addition to granting greater connection between partners. It contributes to a healthy interaction, psychological well-being and avoids abusive relationships.

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