Men Who Give You Their Number The last week or so, I posted an article about reasons why men may choose to give you their number and not ask you for theirs. In discussing this with friends there were mixed feelings as to why, but most of them seemed to think that this was more of a positive behavior than negative; I move to strike those opinions from record dammit! Instead, I’ve brought in the heavy artillery; the big guns of the dating/relationships and otherwise Blogosphere. Yep, this is my first group post. Today we’re featuring Lucky Lass, Mr. Jeffrey “Don’t Call Him Steve” Platts, the lovely Maruska Morena and, well, this guy. We were also going to feature commentary by Simon MacCorkindale, of ‘Manimal’ fame, but due to his hectic schedule he had to pass on this post. Next time Simon.
Every time a woman gives a guy her number it means either a) she likes him and wants him to call her; b) she doesn’t like him and simply doesn’t want him to feel rejected or feel bad herself; or c) she doesn’t like him and she gave him the number to Bubba’s Auto Repair.
If he gives her HIS number, it could be seen as one way of weeding LetmeDate out the women who aren’t really interested. If she does call, he could then presume that she has a high interest level in him. But the downside is that it SHIFTS THE ENERGY, where she is taking the lead and he is then passively responding to her. Not a great recipe for sexual attraction. And if he gives her his number, that could appear to the woman that he doesn’t care if she calls or not.
It’s best when the guy asks the woman for her number and he initiates the first call. It shows he has the balls to ask for what he wants. It also sets the tone for him taking the lead in the courtship. So I’d say one practice would be for guys to be more present during the initial interaction, so they can be more skilled at gauging the vibe. I know many times I’ve asked for a number , when in hindsight, the vibe really wasn’t there at all.
Also, ladies, have some compassion for guys. One of the scariest experiences for many guys is to approach an attractive woman. There is even LetmeDate.Com a term for it: “approach anxiety.” So if you’re really not interested and can think of a reply that embodies authenticity, compassion AND appreciation, then give that a try! And if he’s an insistent douche-bag, then go ahead and do what you gotta do.
Don’t Give Us Your Number!!
Etiquette is not dead I tell you. Men know to walk on the outside of their women, closer to dangerous gutters and shin-hitting strollers. Women know to protect their man from ungracious comments their girlfriends make, etc. etc. There is one thing though that has alarmingly become more popular and I can’t say that I like it. The phone number reversal. Since when have men thought it proper to give us their number instead of asking for ours? This is a steamy pile of crap!
Being single is difficult for both sexes involved, it just is. The slow dance of flirting is a socially agreed upon exchange. We act like we don’t see you, you walk over awkwardly, or send a drink over to do your talking for you. We laugh at each other’s jokes (if they’re bad enough) and you ask us for our number. It’s a complicated jig and has taken us a long time to get in to position and do it right. Now men are throwing in some new step no gentlemanly instructor has taught them.
It’s not a good move and I’ll give you 3 good reasons why:
1–It tells us you have no guts. We like guts–thick, long, windy ones. The days of fearlessly fighting dragons don’t exist anymore. Asking for our number is the next closest thing, so do it, and do it boldly, slayer.
2–It tells us you’re cheap. Maybe you get charged for calls after 7 p.m. and that’s why you want us to call you. Get a new job, man.
3–It tells us you have low self-esteem. This will kill any chance you thought you had with us. If you don’t believe you can get in to our pants, we will confirm that belief.
Gutless, cheap, loser. These are not the adjectives of a casanova. Generally speaking, we look to men to take the lead. (I will deny this later, so don’t quote me). If you don’t take this initiative, we are out on the dance floor under a spot light with no partner.
So if you want some, ask for our number, it’s the first good move you can make